Why I Put Myself Through This

When I have my wonderful depressive moments and I just don’t think I can make it through, I start wondering why I’m even putting myself through this (not life, obviously, school).

What I want is a calm job in a library or a book store. I want to live in a beautiful house. I want a second baby right now. So why am I making myself go through college and not even in a field that would get me in a library? Why am I wasting my time? Those are the questions I ask myself too often. Then I remember…

I put myself through this because jobs in libraries and book stores are hard to get since there aren’t many left. Also, it’s a very unstable field since people are less and less borrowing books or even buying them.

I put myself through this because I would like to work in a field that I can tolerate and that won’t die. I chose computer science to be a programmer. I have a hard time coding and it frustrates me, but I put myself through it to eventually get a good paying job. I want a good paying job so that my kids don’t ever lack of anything.

I put myself through this because I want to be able to gift my kids with whatever I want, without worrying if I can afford it. I want them to be able to play any sport they want, do any activity they want, no matter the cost. I want to be able to go on amazing vacations with them so that they don’t miss out on anything. I don’t ever want to have to refuse them something they deserve because we don’t have the money.

That is why I put myself through this. For my son and my future second child.

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